Friday, May 22, 2009


I think, today, when I thought of blogging, I knew what to say, but didn't really know how to start.  hm.

I used to wonder what my life would be like if I wasn't born into a Christian family.  I used to think that I would be, like, predestined for a conversion that ended with me converting a gajillion people or something relaated to that. 


I think I might just end up being flippin turned off by Christianity.  I mean, so many other people are anyways.  They're sick and tired of us leading double lives-being a super thug at school while assuming a holier-than-thou idea by being role models and leaders at church.  And you know what? I am too.

I cannot help but feel utterly ashamed and disappointed at the people who are  role models at HOC5 (and other churches I guess but I don't really know since I haven't gone to other youth groups/churches in awhile) and talk about how God changed their week in these profound ways, lead worship like it's a recital or a concert, and, I don't know, but I think the picture is obvious-but at school and during the weekdays, they do things that would make you feel really surprised that they are regular church-goers. Now this applies to adults as well.  These kids have parents that serve at church, but it is just too obvious that they are only there to benefit for themselves. What happened to serving God as a unit? These people just piss me off so much that I'm not even surprised that HOC5 has such a low retention rate for people who graduate from high school. What a lack of genuinity.

I think it has gotten to the point where I am even too scared to invite people to my youth group or church because I am scared of them being so turned off by Christianity because of these people. I have not lost faith in my God, but I have definitely lost faith in my church. You know that statistic that say that half of all teens that regularly go to church/youth group don't even go during/after college? I wouldn't be surprised if, 10 years from now, I become part of that half.

I know that you're thinking, "Geez Ashley stop whining and DO something about it then." or "Oh, so you think you're perfect and therefore gets the right to judge us? Beezy pleez."

I would like to say I'm trying to find a solution or I'm trying to find the way between crazy zealot or total fake, but I can't.  The fact of the matter is, I'm probably as bad, if not worse, than all of those people I talked about above.  I know I'm a fatty hypocrite because, heck, I'm writing this huge rant about it right now! I don't do devotionals, I am really mean, and I swear when I'm super pissed.  I guess this whole thing stems from my own frustration and disgust at myself and my lack of motivation to change.

Crap. I don't even know how to end this. boo ramblings. now I really sound like a whiny blogger.

Monday, May 11, 2009


AP TESTS ARE DONE!! (for me)
Is this what being a second semester senior feels like? Because I certaintly feel like i can go party hearty.

My friend told me today that she would take another AP test to feel the relief that comes afterwards. I totally agree.

I saw on schoolloop that we're turning in our APUSH texts (bailey, degler, founding brothers, and APT) and I got really sad.  Is it bad if I get emotionally attatched to a class? Uh oh. Don't look at me during the last day of school in that class. Well, if you do, I suggest that you take a quick picture then blackmail me in 20 years.  I remember thinking, at the beginning of the year, that only nerds and asian freaks get attatched to classes.  I bought a pair of sunglasses at michaels and popped out the lenses to turn them into nerd glasses, and my last name is chen. HMM.

I realized that I haven't posted on this thingy for quite awhile now, and it's about time to get back into the groove of posting my nerd thoughts (of lack thereof).  But anyways, as an experiment, I want to try something new.  If you are reading this right now, leave a question in the comments section.  I'm pretty sure you don't have to have a blog to post at the bottom since it can be anonymous, so go post, reader!